just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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