I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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