i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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