I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
