ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
