Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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