today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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