I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize