I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
