am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you would pick up someone in the library
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
