you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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