Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Naked Twister starts at high noon
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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