Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
