i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
