Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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