I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My ATM looks so different sober.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
