question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We are two peas in an std pod
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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