my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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