He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize