That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
