Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
