So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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