I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
