Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm really busy with my period
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
