The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
