haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
