I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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