dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
