i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
