you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
