I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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