I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
