I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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