1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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