I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
