Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
