We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm always down for nudity.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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