I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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