And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Found the puke drawer
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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