drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
