I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
