He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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