bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
