my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
