The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
