My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
