is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
