Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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