The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
