I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
