a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
