I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize