I smell stomach acid.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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