Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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