He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
So squirting runs in the family.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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