that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
