If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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