I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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