quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
