I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
