i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
