Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
