I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
