Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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