So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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