He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I wish I only lived at night.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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