I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
