But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize